Friday, August 17, 2012

my motivation seems to have gone missing. if you find it, please return to...

I've been feeling down this week, for no good reason really. I've got way more things to be happy about than sad, but I just can't seem to get out of this funk. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I feel burnt out. I think that I should have taken a short break from working out after finishing P90X in June, because now I'm dreading my workouts. I always take one or two (usually two) rest days, but I think I needed a week or so. I just feel like I am lacking direction and motivation, or maybe it is the absence of structure.

I'm going to try and take a short break from working out, but the problem is, 1) I feel guilty and 2) when I don't work out, I just want to say the hell with it and eat a large pizza with a bowl of ice cream. Neither of these are good things -- I should not feel guilty, and I should not feel like I need to give up. My bf found an analogy about how when you drop your phone, you don't say, "oh, I dropped my phone, might as well smash it into a million pieces." You shouldn't do this with your diet, either -- if you eat that large pizza, you shouldn't use that to rationalize adding on ice cream, beer, and french fries (pick your poison). This makes so much sense to me, and I try to remember it, but it's hard to really put into practice. I do want to just dive head first into a bowl of ice cream some days. 

I was thinking earlier that it's completely ridiculous that I even feel bad about trying to NOT eat certain things, when so many people don't even get that option! But again, even though I am aware of this and try to think about it, I still can't seem to change my mindset. 

I don't know where this is going really, but I just feel a bit lost. When I feel bad about myself, it affects everything else I do -- so even though it seems trivial to be down about skipping some lunges or eating that bowl of ice cream, it's all connected.

Does anyone else feel this way? Am I crazy? Do you have any tips for finding your motivation? I'd love to hear them. 

On another note, the 3-day Walk for the Cure is this weekend. I love seeing those ladies walk, it's so inspiring and I feel so much pride. I participated in Ride for the Cure last year and  I hope to do the century next year now that I have a proper bike (I rode 60 miles on a single speed!). The feeling I had when I was done was like no other. So to all the ladies (and men?) participating in the 3-day, you rock!

Also on another note, this morning a GIANT spider appeared in the kitchen. Of course, when I went to go get help, it disappeared. I thought I was getting better about spiders, but considering that I cried after it was gone, I guess the opposite is true! I just couldn't deal. I'm still afraid to go into the kitchen, I keep peeking my head around the corner before I dare enter. Hopefully my cat had a little midday snack. 

Sorry that was so text heavy! Thanks for reading :) 



  1. so, i probably should send you this since your post was looking for motivation... but i love you too much not to share!

    1. haha! i don't mind at all ;) i have bunch of her recipes saved, i need to actually make one! that sounds amazing.